Ahhh. Finally found a moment to read this. I had been trying to get my head around starting a research proposal for school, which is - as you know - about motherhood and invisible labour, esp since the pandemic. But the other day I drove into Vancouver's downtown east side, which is the most desperate place. I hadn't been for a long time, and it was about twice as bad as it had been the last time I really encountered it. Since then, a part of me thinks, forget Motherhood, those are the people that need your energy and advocacy. And I also felt foolish 'complaining' about these aspects of motherhood that are oppressive when me and my family have it pretty good. I appreciate getting brought back into frame through your writing. Now I am on a search for how our general lack of action around homelessness, addiction and mental health care is related to our devaluing of motherhood.
"In Mourning and In Rage" could sum up most of my adult life.
I'm forwarding this one to a friend who became a mother during the pandemic w/ very little support (and to a baby born with complications, making her postpartum ever more vulnerable and tenuous); she told me recently that motherhood has gutted her. Which, TOTALLY makes sense. Meanwhile, she's gas lit regularly from her family, who seem to have little ability to drop into and empathize with, what I think she is really grappling with, which are, mourning and rage.
Absolutely love this paragraph. I had a baby 7ish months before the pandemic so becoming a mother is inextricably tangled up with parenting in the pandemic.
"Here we are. Many of us. Who have we become? Motherhood remade me. It radicalized me and took things from me and reshaped me. This has been hard and beautiful. It’s part of what care does to us and also completely dependent on this moment in history and the result of an intentional violence. It’s been nothing I planned for and who I am forever."
Thank you so much for highlighting this. I’m also slowly making my way through. I don’t have any kids and am mostly sure I won’t be a mother. My sister is getting ready to start trying to have their first baby next year. I do not want to convince her to not have kids but want her to know what she’s in for. Do future parents want to read stuff like this? Or do I just let it go. Not necessarily a question to you, Amanda. Just something I’ve been struggling with lately
Beautiful. As a caregiver of a 27-year old disabled daughter, I can say that looking to caregivers -- those of us who've been doing this "thing" 24/7 for decades should give you hope and strength. Isolation, terror, fighting systems of care and winging it -- long before the pandemic. There's wisdom and hope and community to be found. I'm a teacher, too, and I'm really witnessing just how badly many of the teenagers are doing. It's a clusterfuck, and I'm not sure where it'll all end up.
Beautiful piece, Amanda. I am an empty nester now (although I had both my close-to-adult daughters home with me during the peak of Covid when everything was shut down, including universities and office spaces. I will actually always cherish that unexpected gift of having them both back in the nest, of being able to hold them close again, and even to argue with them in person sometimes!) So much of what you wrote resonated with me -- especially the necessity of taking time to grieve what has been lost. And, as so often happens with grief, the crack ends up letting in some light we never expected.
Ahhh. Finally found a moment to read this. I had been trying to get my head around starting a research proposal for school, which is - as you know - about motherhood and invisible labour, esp since the pandemic. But the other day I drove into Vancouver's downtown east side, which is the most desperate place. I hadn't been for a long time, and it was about twice as bad as it had been the last time I really encountered it. Since then, a part of me thinks, forget Motherhood, those are the people that need your energy and advocacy. And I also felt foolish 'complaining' about these aspects of motherhood that are oppressive when me and my family have it pretty good. I appreciate getting brought back into frame through your writing. Now I am on a search for how our general lack of action around homelessness, addiction and mental health care is related to our devaluing of motherhood.
"In Mourning and In Rage" could sum up most of my adult life.
I'm forwarding this one to a friend who became a mother during the pandemic w/ very little support (and to a baby born with complications, making her postpartum ever more vulnerable and tenuous); she told me recently that motherhood has gutted her. Which, TOTALLY makes sense. Meanwhile, she's gas lit regularly from her family, who seem to have little ability to drop into and empathize with, what I think she is really grappling with, which are, mourning and rage.
Absolutely love this paragraph. I had a baby 7ish months before the pandemic so becoming a mother is inextricably tangled up with parenting in the pandemic.
"Here we are. Many of us. Who have we become? Motherhood remade me. It radicalized me and took things from me and reshaped me. This has been hard and beautiful. It’s part of what care does to us and also completely dependent on this moment in history and the result of an intentional violence. It’s been nothing I planned for and who I am forever."
Thank you so much for highlighting this. I’m also slowly making my way through. I don’t have any kids and am mostly sure I won’t be a mother. My sister is getting ready to start trying to have their first baby next year. I do not want to convince her to not have kids but want her to know what she’s in for. Do future parents want to read stuff like this? Or do I just let it go. Not necessarily a question to you, Amanda. Just something I’ve been struggling with lately
Beautiful. As a caregiver of a 27-year old disabled daughter, I can say that looking to caregivers -- those of us who've been doing this "thing" 24/7 for decades should give you hope and strength. Isolation, terror, fighting systems of care and winging it -- long before the pandemic. There's wisdom and hope and community to be found. I'm a teacher, too, and I'm really witnessing just how badly many of the teenagers are doing. It's a clusterfuck, and I'm not sure where it'll all end up.
Beautiful piece, Amanda. I am an empty nester now (although I had both my close-to-adult daughters home with me during the peak of Covid when everything was shut down, including universities and office spaces. I will actually always cherish that unexpected gift of having them both back in the nest, of being able to hold them close again, and even to argue with them in person sometimes!) So much of what you wrote resonated with me -- especially the necessity of taking time to grieve what has been lost. And, as so often happens with grief, the crack ends up letting in some light we never expected.