As an asexual woman who is getting divorced for that reason, this piece is very, very important to me. I haven't even finished reading it yet, I'm just so glad it EXISTS and someone is asking the questions.
It’s real easy to, after watching an episode of Grey’s Anatomy for example, think you aren’t having “enough” sex, and to assume that there is such a thing as a “normal” or “healthy” amount of sex (and to feel like you are failing at it). I love that these conversations about asexuality and celibacy and consent and heteronormativity are happening.
Congrats on this piece! Already over 1300 comments tells you a lot. This line I soooo resonate with- "She couldn’t stand soft caresses from him, which felt like the tickling of her child’s hands." I just stayed up late the other night reading Savage Love, and Dan definitely has recommended and I think still does "maintenance sex" which I just have never been able to fully get behind. I do appreciate that Savage is on a mission to expand our definitions of both sex and monogamy - in very much the same way that some of these couples you interviewed are thinking about- YES you can be married and happy and not have sex with each other for example. I think a lot about a podcast I heard with Nagoski on it where she advises to judge sex based on quality over quantity; but it's funny how much I still believe quantity is the "best" metric to hold myself and my spouse up too.
I really loved this piece, both style and substance. Especially the impact of parenting. I’m super curious how today’s “intensive parenting” might make this picture look differently (or not) from previous decades. Thanks for writing this, looking forward to reading more!
!!!! I’m running to go read it now. It’s clear how much heart and time and energy you’ve put in, just by hearing updates here. I look forward to reading the thousands of words that didn’t make it into it, as well.
I don't know if you got wind of this yet, but the ace (asexual) community is unhappy. As an ace myself, I didn't expect inclusion. I just assume people don't know we don't exist. I would like to hear ace voices represented, but what I took from this article was more about consent... I get that my experience is not universal, though.
As an asexual woman who is getting divorced for that reason, this piece is very, very important to me. I haven't even finished reading it yet, I'm just so glad it EXISTS and someone is asking the questions.
It’s a great piece.
It’s real easy to, after watching an episode of Grey’s Anatomy for example, think you aren’t having “enough” sex, and to assume that there is such a thing as a “normal” or “healthy” amount of sex (and to feel like you are failing at it). I love that these conversations about asexuality and celibacy and consent and heteronormativity are happening.
Congrats on this piece! Already over 1300 comments tells you a lot. This line I soooo resonate with- "She couldn’t stand soft caresses from him, which felt like the tickling of her child’s hands." I just stayed up late the other night reading Savage Love, and Dan definitely has recommended and I think still does "maintenance sex" which I just have never been able to fully get behind. I do appreciate that Savage is on a mission to expand our definitions of both sex and monogamy - in very much the same way that some of these couples you interviewed are thinking about- YES you can be married and happy and not have sex with each other for example. I think a lot about a podcast I heard with Nagoski on it where she advises to judge sex based on quality over quantity; but it's funny how much I still believe quantity is the "best" metric to hold myself and my spouse up too.
I really loved this piece, both style and substance. Especially the impact of parenting. I’m super curious how today’s “intensive parenting” might make this picture look differently (or not) from previous decades. Thanks for writing this, looking forward to reading more!
!!!! I’m running to go read it now. It’s clear how much heart and time and energy you’ve put in, just by hearing updates here. I look forward to reading the thousands of words that didn’t make it into it, as well.
Also, the photo got me good. 🫠🫠
I don't know if you got wind of this yet, but the ace (asexual) community is unhappy. As an ace myself, I didn't expect inclusion. I just assume people don't know we don't exist. I would like to hear ace voices represented, but what I took from this article was more about consent... I get that my experience is not universal, though.