So...I completely missed the Bachelor boat because in 2002, I was in the midst of my own hetero normal experience: married to a doctor, balancing motherhood with a Visiting faculty appointment and the final edits of my first (and only) book.
When my future ex-husband's mother was diagnosed with cancer, it was assumed that, of course, I would be the one to put my career on hold.
There was no time for the possibility of having a life not in service to others, let alone to watch The Bachelor, so I cannot comment through that cultural lens. However, I completely concur that "the representation of male emotional vulnerability has largely come to us through dating shows and other romance storylines in TV and film. As a result, there is often a utilitarian component associated with men’s expression of emotions.”
The only space I have ever seen men express and come to terms with their emotions has been in the anonymity of church basements.
Until men feel comfortable doing so in public (cue Gus Walz) we all have a long way to go.
Love this series of posts! A) what a public service it would be to have a therapist weigh in on behaviors in these shows. Clearly lots of liability related reasons I’d imagine why companies like Netflix don’t, but sheesh! What’s teaching tool!! I’m a therapist and gender researcher/social work prof and use these shows (Love is Blind) in my classes to demonstrate interpersonal behavior as well as B) your reference to normative white masculinity…these shows are truly allergic to any form of structural analysis!!! Notable moments-all possibly so expansive as to be there own dissertation (but again, fleeting and unexplored in Netflix universe!): Nancy and Bartisse talking abortion (yes!!! And shocked that aired given the complete political “neutrality” attempted to he portrayed on the show); Marshall, Brett, Kwame (all black men), discussing black masculinity and relationality!!! Coukd. Have. Watched. For. Days.; and the most poignant moment that I can recall seeing in any reality and/or dating show Clays parents conversation of all of the ways (alluded to many times through the season by Clay himself) of how men (black men in particular) are taught to be and how profoundly stunting that has been/continues to be for him (Clay). FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Give us this Netflix!!! Give your viewers some credibility that we have the capacity to explore these themes further! So much more compelling than “what’s your favorite day of the week?” And even the “broken homes” singular way the show tries to highlight participants vulnerability (cue: NEON LIGHTS!), which C) I find, as a practitioner, incredibly unrealistic (of course right-it’s the show) but also really irresponsible (I get that these are consenting adults and…as more comes out about these shows, the more we should critique them, including these presumed “obviously you’re going to tell about your most traumatic experiences on national tv” with very little support. Asking folx to be that 0-60 raw with others (who are almost never trained to “hold” that level of vulnerability) is asking for mental health impacts.
So...I completely missed the Bachelor boat because in 2002, I was in the midst of my own hetero normal experience: married to a doctor, balancing motherhood with a Visiting faculty appointment and the final edits of my first (and only) book.
When my future ex-husband's mother was diagnosed with cancer, it was assumed that, of course, I would be the one to put my career on hold.
There was no time for the possibility of having a life not in service to others, let alone to watch The Bachelor, so I cannot comment through that cultural lens. However, I completely concur that "the representation of male emotional vulnerability has largely come to us through dating shows and other romance storylines in TV and film. As a result, there is often a utilitarian component associated with men’s expression of emotions.”
The only space I have ever seen men express and come to terms with their emotions has been in the anonymity of church basements.
Until men feel comfortable doing so in public (cue Gus Walz) we all have a long way to go.
Wow yes that’s fascinating about the church creating space for that—but also often reaffirming in other ways traditional gender roles?
sorry, to be clear I meant church basements as an alias for 12 step fellowship.
Ohhhh, that makes a lot more sense! Yes, totally.
Love this series of posts! A) what a public service it would be to have a therapist weigh in on behaviors in these shows. Clearly lots of liability related reasons I’d imagine why companies like Netflix don’t, but sheesh! What’s teaching tool!! I’m a therapist and gender researcher/social work prof and use these shows (Love is Blind) in my classes to demonstrate interpersonal behavior as well as B) your reference to normative white masculinity…these shows are truly allergic to any form of structural analysis!!! Notable moments-all possibly so expansive as to be there own dissertation (but again, fleeting and unexplored in Netflix universe!): Nancy and Bartisse talking abortion (yes!!! And shocked that aired given the complete political “neutrality” attempted to he portrayed on the show); Marshall, Brett, Kwame (all black men), discussing black masculinity and relationality!!! Coukd. Have. Watched. For. Days.; and the most poignant moment that I can recall seeing in any reality and/or dating show Clays parents conversation of all of the ways (alluded to many times through the season by Clay himself) of how men (black men in particular) are taught to be and how profoundly stunting that has been/continues to be for him (Clay). FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! Give us this Netflix!!! Give your viewers some credibility that we have the capacity to explore these themes further! So much more compelling than “what’s your favorite day of the week?” And even the “broken homes” singular way the show tries to highlight participants vulnerability (cue: NEON LIGHTS!), which C) I find, as a practitioner, incredibly unrealistic (of course right-it’s the show) but also really irresponsible (I get that these are consenting adults and…as more comes out about these shows, the more we should critique them, including these presumed “obviously you’re going to tell about your most traumatic experiences on national tv” with very little support. Asking folx to be that 0-60 raw with others (who are almost never trained to “hold” that level of vulnerability) is asking for mental health impacts.
Those were all such rich moments!