It’s 6 am my time, my husband talked to our oldest first but he came into our room to confirm with me when his dad said Trump would be the next president. I reassured him the NC races we had worried about- governor, superintendent, and attorney general had gone to the Democrats and he felt safer. He trusts us to keep him safe but he was watching me scroll past a Dr who said America fucked this up and he said YEP!
My husband and I laid in our bed awake until we saw Pennsylvania be called for Trump. We talked about how disappointed we are in Americans. I was sobbing around 1 am and he held me again. I am so fucking angry. It’s absolutely the misogyny leading to an irredeemable, VILE person who never should be elected over a highly capable, qualified woman.
Thank you for this. It so perfectly articulates what's at the core of my boiling rage and utter devastation. "entitled men turned out to PUNISH women and hoard the power they perceive they get from a culture of say whatever you want, persecuted, Hogan-Rogan hypermasculinity." This absolutey feels like punishment, a punishment every woman has experieneced any time she dared to take up space and be the fullest version of herself in the world. I need to grieve and cry and scream--and I hope we all allow ourselves the space to do that (it's what keeps us from enacting violence on others adn attacking their rights when we are scared), but I will NEVER ever give up this fight.
I had a sick feeling last night watching this young woman in Philly vote for the first time ~ she was so hopeful…and in that moment I burst into tears and thought, “oh i was once that young and naive. trump is going to win.”
never thought i could feel the way i did in 2016 again.
this time is worse, because we (should) know better, God help us all.
and so i share these words from my sponsor, a woman thirty years wiser than me, may it offer some solace:
from my sponsor:
Dear ones, in the wake of what has just happened to our country, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Today I can, with God's grace, hold steady to be a support for others who are shocked and afraid.
We can all be that.
So today I can change / transform my outrage into commitment to fight for democracy, to be an example of love, to work for change in a local level that can perhaps be strong enough in some ways to supersede Federal mandates.
Today we can come together in heartfelt support for one another and all those who need help redirecting anger / fear / despair into positive action.
I’m currently in FL, where the Republicans are worse than the hurricanes.
I went out this morning just needing to move, even though I barely slept. Heading to dance class, I already noticed the energy shift toward empowered entitlement.
First, at the dance studio, a “trumpette” came up and stood directly in front of me, literally blocking me and clearly feeling entitled to what she imagined was “her” spot. Trying to stay calm despite the boundary busting, I attempted to introduce myself to humanize the situation. She explained to me that my spot was really hers, expecting me to move. Nope, not this time, bully; you picked the wrong woman. Still, she barely budged from my space.
After class, I was driving to an appointment, when a huge over-sized pick-up truck wouldn’t allow me to enter the right lane. Needing to get over to make a right turn pronto, I found a little break between cars and quickly maneuvered into the right lane in just enough time to make the turn. I was not rude, used my turn signal, no harm done. However, the man behind me, driving a pick-up like the other man (not as enormous but noticeably much larger than my modest vehicle), didn’t like sharing the lane for some reason. After completing the right turn, he sped up. I wasn’t sure at first, but then it became clear that he was chasing me down! I was in the left lane increasing speed, with anxiety mounting, to evade his approach in the middle lane next to me. He kept accelerating, determined to catch up. Not risking going any faster myself, I waited for him to get almost parallel to me and then tapped my brakes so he would just rush by and be gone. But no! He simultaneously hit his breaks and turned into my lane to cut me off in an exaggerated way, apparently to get some kind of delusionally-reasoned revenge. He then braked again, like he was planning to force me to stop. I quickly turned into the first parking lot available on my left to separate myself from this lunatic. I sat in my car feeling anxious and angry, trying to regulate myself and find a way to feel safe.
Bullying and entitlement are not new experiences for me. But the winds of change are palpable. Misogyny remains in the air with a renewed license to harm, cause chaos, and be ignorant.
Sad. Sad. Sad. That’s how I feel. A campaign of hate won. That’s who we are. That’s who we have always been as history tells us so. I’m sure we may swing back in the other direction temporarily after much pain and suffering. We are a country with a short memory span who does not love our neighbor.
Thanks for writing this Amanda and being candid about your experience. It was comforting to see in my inbox as I stayed up late watching election results. We all need to keep our heads up and keep writing and keep publishing, getting our words out there. Unfortunately, there will not be much guidance, comfort, or support from the higher ups so we need to support each other.
It’s 6 am my time, my husband talked to our oldest first but he came into our room to confirm with me when his dad said Trump would be the next president. I reassured him the NC races we had worried about- governor, superintendent, and attorney general had gone to the Democrats and he felt safer. He trusts us to keep him safe but he was watching me scroll past a Dr who said America fucked this up and he said YEP!
My husband and I laid in our bed awake until we saw Pennsylvania be called for Trump. We talked about how disappointed we are in Americans. I was sobbing around 1 am and he held me again. I am so fucking angry. It’s absolutely the misogyny leading to an irredeemable, VILE person who never should be elected over a highly capable, qualified woman.
I need to have a plan for what's coming. It's my only way to cope.
I'm supposed to fly to California Friday and speak at a conference for ADHD folks.
I have a book coming out.
It just feels meaningless. Maybe I'll get a job for the holiday season to save $$ before it all collapses.
Thank you for this. It so perfectly articulates what's at the core of my boiling rage and utter devastation. "entitled men turned out to PUNISH women and hoard the power they perceive they get from a culture of say whatever you want, persecuted, Hogan-Rogan hypermasculinity." This absolutey feels like punishment, a punishment every woman has experieneced any time she dared to take up space and be the fullest version of herself in the world. I need to grieve and cry and scream--and I hope we all allow ourselves the space to do that (it's what keeps us from enacting violence on others adn attacking their rights when we are scared), but I will NEVER ever give up this fight.
no, i know.
I had a sick feeling last night watching this young woman in Philly vote for the first time ~ she was so hopeful…and in that moment I burst into tears and thought, “oh i was once that young and naive. trump is going to win.”
never thought i could feel the way i did in 2016 again.
this time is worse, because we (should) know better, God help us all.
and so i share these words from my sponsor, a woman thirty years wiser than me, may it offer some solace:
from my sponsor:
Dear ones, in the wake of what has just happened to our country, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Today I can, with God's grace, hold steady to be a support for others who are shocked and afraid.
We can all be that.
So today I can change / transform my outrage into commitment to fight for democracy, to be an example of love, to work for change in a local level that can perhaps be strong enough in some ways to supersede Federal mandates.
Today we can come together in heartfelt support for one another and all those who need help redirecting anger / fear / despair into positive action.
Thinking of all of you, with love ❤️
Solidarity!
I’m currently in FL, where the Republicans are worse than the hurricanes.
I went out this morning just needing to move, even though I barely slept. Heading to dance class, I already noticed the energy shift toward empowered entitlement.
First, at the dance studio, a “trumpette” came up and stood directly in front of me, literally blocking me and clearly feeling entitled to what she imagined was “her” spot. Trying to stay calm despite the boundary busting, I attempted to introduce myself to humanize the situation. She explained to me that my spot was really hers, expecting me to move. Nope, not this time, bully; you picked the wrong woman. Still, she barely budged from my space.
After class, I was driving to an appointment, when a huge over-sized pick-up truck wouldn’t allow me to enter the right lane. Needing to get over to make a right turn pronto, I found a little break between cars and quickly maneuvered into the right lane in just enough time to make the turn. I was not rude, used my turn signal, no harm done. However, the man behind me, driving a pick-up like the other man (not as enormous but noticeably much larger than my modest vehicle), didn’t like sharing the lane for some reason. After completing the right turn, he sped up. I wasn’t sure at first, but then it became clear that he was chasing me down! I was in the left lane increasing speed, with anxiety mounting, to evade his approach in the middle lane next to me. He kept accelerating, determined to catch up. Not risking going any faster myself, I waited for him to get almost parallel to me and then tapped my brakes so he would just rush by and be gone. But no! He simultaneously hit his breaks and turned into my lane to cut me off in an exaggerated way, apparently to get some kind of delusionally-reasoned revenge. He then braked again, like he was planning to force me to stop. I quickly turned into the first parking lot available on my left to separate myself from this lunatic. I sat in my car feeling anxious and angry, trying to regulate myself and find a way to feel safe.
Bullying and entitlement are not new experiences for me. But the winds of change are palpable. Misogyny remains in the air with a renewed license to harm, cause chaos, and be ignorant.
Be safe out there.
Sad. Sad. Sad. That’s how I feel. A campaign of hate won. That’s who we are. That’s who we have always been as history tells us so. I’m sure we may swing back in the other direction temporarily after much pain and suffering. We are a country with a short memory span who does not love our neighbor.
I have to tell my 5 year old the bad guy won.
I actually ended up saying, "Well, California voted for her."
Thanks for writing this Amanda and being candid about your experience. It was comforting to see in my inbox as I stayed up late watching election results. We all need to keep our heads up and keep writing and keep publishing, getting our words out there. Unfortunately, there will not be much guidance, comfort, or support from the higher ups so we need to support each other.
Thanks for this and for you ❤️